i thought we learned from our mistakes,
but i guess we became them,
gauzes of lies and regrets break our bones,
and all there is left to do,
is to shake our heads.

addiction feeds me better than water,
i live off absence, can’t you tell?
keep your syringe away from me,
let me beg a bit stronger,
the lack of you in me,
sustains me a bit longer.

i never imagine anyone
more than i imagine her
she is the variable in the equation
the X i keep trying to solve for
but you have left out so many details
so i hide in the unknown
as you whisk her away,
all your problems solved.

she bleeds in her suicide,
and i found a metronome in the red lines she hides,
her heart is beating (at least for now),
but her skin are scars (at least it’s not bleeding now),
so what do i do? (i feel so helpless now)

may symphonies be the echo,

that you kiss your lover to sleep,

every night,

i’ll make my way,

out of your moonlight,

into the silent noise,

of the silent night.

i read your thoughts,
in the secrecy of midnight’s dusk,
even though you never whispered your key to me,
i have broken in with a picklock,
feel free to call me a trespasser,
while i revel in your confessions.

slur me sonnet,
praise me like spilled rum,
dance the sunrise like the world is ending,
blur vodka into my crevices,
note my disintegration,
and hold me close.

i may be tone deaf
but your name is music
even though i can’t stand the sound
she makes, screaming it at the top of her lungs
as you press her up against the bedpost.

maybe this was just a fallout,
maybe this war has no ending,
like a bedtime story that trailed off as you fell asleep,
maybe this is just a break,
a pause so catch your breath,
because maybe this is just the beginning,
and there’s a whole battlefield for blood to be shed.

why can’t you say this to me sober?
you’re slurring your words, and you’re blurring my mind,
you’re caught in the bottom of the bottle,
and you stink of alcohol and cigar smoke,
fuck this, this isn’t bravery, this is cowardice.

let me decipher your poem,
and count your stanzas,
envelope me in rhymes,
and treat me to an allusion.

i know
that it is all in my head
but that’s why i need to get them out
(why do you think i write?)

The distance between yes and no is equal to a universe,
For so many things have been altered,
The train has set,
And the tracks have changed gears,
A part or apart?
As if I can decide,
As if this is so simple, without complications,
You can’t promise me anything anymore,
And as much as I want it work,
I can’t help but feel that soon you’ll leave again,
Leaving me wondering why you bothered to return in the first place.

This is the story of Sola and Lune.
Or Sun and Moon
They never met, how could they?
For they were locked in their own dark abyss.
Sola’s love was found in the burning of her soul,
A fiery dance racing through space,
Lune would twirl in pleasure,
As he saw her token of their embrace,
Reflecting her illumination, showing his endless adoration,
Telling her, I’m still here, this distance means nothing, I love you,
Yet no matter how much she knew he meant it, she would never fully accept it,
So Sola and Lune continued in a timeless spell,
And we can only watch their love story,
Never meeting,
Always one rising,
And one setting.

There are marks left on erased cardboard,
Dusty jackets that accumulate years of dust,
Considering cleaning them out,
But decisions are for later dates,
Buying gum to chew once and spit out twice,
Wishing on rumors and handwritten roses,
Blasting sounds to enter, hermit-like into the only sanctuary,
Yet dimming volume when even music can’t help escape,
Not that escape was an actual option,
For feet on the ground and head in the clouds was the preference,
So caught up in firsts that lasts were ignored entirely,
Definitions and holding onto them became a menace,
And the blotted lines became ever more unclear,
I think reality caught up to me.

You’re eclipsing all the effort I made to keep us from growing apart,
You keep turning in the wrong direction only to come back to where you started,
Creating circles that look all the same,
Fluttering away in the wind only to return, return again,
Stealing my wishes and my promises,
Wishing you’d hold to your promises that you somehow keep breaking,
You’re running away, but you can’t help walking back,
Why have you made this our lives?
Where we build, and then we break,
Stuck in our lies and our mistakes,
I accepted how I always cared more, cared so much,
So when you go off on your wanderings that lead nowhere,
I am still standing here,
Wondering why I don’t own anything but the smallest part of your heart.

The night erodes the ocean,
And I can’t grasp the water at all,
What’s the point of learning how to swim,
When you’re still so dependent on oxygen to live?
I rather collapse than drown in you.

I should not be tempted to ensnare another one,
It’s only summer, only a few months until I leave for good,
But he seems so interesting,
Someone I can talk to (you need to understand),
(And it’s not like you’re paying attention),
So tell me,
If I told you I was going to go for it,
Would you even bat an eye?

For so long, I denied fireworks,
Always waiting for another trigger.
Before, I plucked the petal that said
I love you still; Before, I plucked the
Petal that said I don’t love you at all.
Now, you’re as inherent as breathing
As addictive as air.

Everyone falls in love with sleep,
They want to lose themselves in their fantasies,
To lose control from reality,
But I hate the lines between yes and maybe,
I hate the powerlessness it brings,
I wish I could shock myself awake,
But I’m stuck in a nightmare that’s trying to call itself a dream,
God, I hate the threads of maybe and no that ravage at the seams.