This feels like an accident,
How we break into each other’s bones,
Saying that we matter so much,
All the while throwing words into the abyss,
Maybe you’re someone I should keep at bay,
But I am a wisher,
That makes desperations on memories,
Long faded away.

Let the ashes of our sins drench us,
They will make this volcano a phoenix,
Yes, we are dormant, but our lava never cools,
But washing the world ablaze burns us out,
Sometimes, I wish we had become the lovers they found,
Intertwined beyond the valley of sorrow,
Intact skeletons — 
Instead of these scattered bones.

My identity is hinged on you,
Whatever you want, I’ll become,
I’ll be a prude,
I’ll be a whore,
Whatever it takes to be all yours,
Religious or atheist,
The person to take you to the clouds,
Or the one who keeps your feet on the ground,
This dependence has gotten to the point where
I’ll hold my breath until you tell me to breathe,
And stop my heart until you tell it to beat.

Why are you pushing yourself into a box?
You’re not meant for this world,
(Maybe not even for this universe),
Why won’t you come with me?
We’ll escape, we’ll escape into a sense of insanity,
We can find gold on the ground,
Make your choice and weigh your breath,
Because we’re stuck in a daydream and I’ve been meaning to
Escape, escape for so long,
So why won’t you understand?
I can’t stand leaving you alone here,
Because maybe I need you,
(Maybe you’re my escape).

The suits are sneaking through from the slits of your fingers,
My feet are wooden soles, and I can’t move at all without aching with agony,
The road is so cluttered now, broken dreams littered on the sidewalk;
And what do I do without a map to trace a destination for me?
I’m on my own, and I know this isn’t a postcard,
But (P.S., wishing you were here)

I met my villain, and I met my savior, and I found them to be the same person,
I starved myself of everything I needed, and I can’t make sense of anything anymore,
All I strove for has turned to dust, and I made a mess out of myself,
Mispressed triggers and turned over paper linger on me now,
I thought I could control my life, but instead, my life controls me,
I could count the ways that I look at the moon, but then I’d be up all night missing you.

I blame you, I crave you,
I’d kill you, I’d save you,
You’d be the death of me, you’d be the breath of me,
You took all my glory and gave me all my energy,
You block the sun, but you bring me midnight and noon,
I only ever find you standing underneath a twelve foot monsoon.

They call me strong; I’ll show them stronger,
They taunt, and they jeer, but I placed aces on every game,
They paint me with vices, but I have shone virtues,
They beat me up with their envy and their ire, but I only bleed glory,
I only bleed desire,
They try to blind me with their two-faced masks, but I am blind, I’m blind, can’t you see me?
They keep shouting their catcalls; they keep making my name,
But I am deaf, I am deaf, can’t you hear me?

And we are getting so much farther,
And so much closer,
I can hear you, but you won’t say anything,
Yet when I am screaming, you are deaf to every word,
The distance between our lives seems so jumbled,
Spaces and backspaces,
How can we be nothing and something?
We don’t even have to try to be a mess,
But we need to try to not to,
No wonder you left, with such restrictions,
You were in a cage, and I called it freedom.

This is ruckus!
This is madness!
You’re a mess,
From your sadness,
You lost yourself!
But I doubt you ever had it in the first place,
Looking there and here and never looking where,
You came and went and stayed too long when you should have left,
Grasping at the fingertips that reached out,
Reached back,
And maybe your own were better,
Are better,
At keeping yourself whole.

I can make words for myself,
I can shine and polish my own being,
For being’s sake,
For life’s sake,
Without cracks, or even with,
I can still function,
I am like a glass moon,
With glass eyes,
And a glass heart,
 Only trying to look through all this light,
To find my own beam at the end of it,
But there is no light from the moon,
Nor from glass.

I tumble, and I fall, and the stars never seemed further away than they do now,
You stumble, and you stall, and the sun refuses to fall down when it promised it would,
I took nothing at all: I was generosity, and now I am left with nothing at all,
Now you’re overcome with guilt, now you’re running to and fro,
My veins are getting deeper with all the disappointments,
Now I can’t help but notice how beautiful they are,
You painted the world with glitter the color of your eyes, and I am mesmerized,
How have we never noticed how I feel? How you don’t feel?
I have been thinking of confronting you, but how will that work if you won’t turn around?
You scared me in my dreams last night, and now my days are nightmarish too,
I am nothing but bones; you’re nothing but skin,
All we can be is parallel — never touching, never touching.

We build our humor on childish imaginations and laugh while they look at us strangely,
We stand on crashing waves trying to find reason to wait for the sun to rise beyond the horizon,
We knot our promises in the tender moor where we met the beast that became our tormentor,
I missed all the remarks, and you ran at the first sight of rain,
The world sets, and we sit under the sky we weaved from the moments stolen in the blackest of nights,
And we realize that falling up meant nothing more than joining the slow dance of the endless stars.

I sneeze and entire nations fall to their knees,
I raise a sword, and my enemies cry, and they bleed,
I laugh and the world shakes, the universe quivers,
I pile magic beans on magic beans and climb all the stalks to the sky,
I tell everyone that they can paint their ideas on my empire,
But I’ve silenced them before they can even speak,
I taunt, and I holler, and I defeat every ending,
I thought every fiber would be enough, but I can’t swallow fiber,
I can’t cry freshwater,
They say I control the world,
But I’m losing all my power.

I promise you, you are a monster of monarchy,
Your crown sprays poison, and the board reeks of fog,
I raise them against you, pawns unaware of the rules of war,
In the castles we built, we let the bishops pray,
For survival into the knight,
Pieces that run back and forth,
As we trade loyalties over and over,
Gliding as queens without trace of mercy,
In the end, we both spill our kings —
Never realizing that checkmate meant game over.

You sprawl like a fantastic disaster,
you try and think of yourself beyond such things as
hatred and anger and jealousy
but I found you a liar
and your falsities are seeping through.
You become the hated
and your anger becomes your icon
and your jealousy tears the world apart.
You try to call yourself an angel
but I found the word demon
to have met you in the war of your existence
and define you in its victory.

I am driven insane by the noise,
I have scratched my skin,
I torment myself on deafness, and I try to find a place where I can’t know you,
I rip out hearts and hide them under floorboards,
I build attics and basements in the arteries we clogged,
So why does the beating only stop when you run away with me?

Making no effort to conceal your disgust,
And I don’t bother to hide my disinterest,
The world continues to wage war,
We’re made of silent battles,
And stolen warriors,
So many lines have made their distinctions,
Yet I can’t wait until the day you surrender,
For nothing can beat indifference.

Keeping hold because I can’t let go,
I won’t let go,
Because this is all I’ve known,
To hold and hold and never let go,
I am always the one falling,
I am already slipping,
Crippling.

Ambition
Is my name,
The top is where my eyes have seen
For so long it seems like a dream,
And so I try and run, run from the ground,
Jump so high that the world will be mine,
Maybe then, maybe finally, I will be something.