To not slay the dragon.
Growing up on fantasy-adventure series and having a bit of a savior complex, I developed a penchant for 'Big Narratives,' trying to view the world in terms of stories. I understood my role as a knight, out to slay dragons and save damsels. Or in a more feminine version, as Wendy heading to Neverland to save Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.
When those 'Big Narratives' failed me, it was easy to despair. To feel helpless and lost, confused why my good intentions didn't pan out or why the quest just faded away.
After a particularly ravished 'Big Narrative,' I had to seriously reconsider my perspective. To that mission, I came up with the aforementioned, 'to not slay the dragon.' The typical fairy tale story is pretty simple: princess locked at the top of a tower, knight comes from a turbulent journey, slays the dragon, saves the damsel in distress. Happily ever after. But what if the girl doesn't want to be saved? What if the knight fails? What happens then? He probably gets scorched to bits. Yikes.
With a few burns on my skin, I wondered if there was a different way. And this is not The Solution. It doesn't work for me all the time, and definitely won't be right for everyone else. But it's subversive. And I like subversive. It creates a new narrative for me. And it mitigates the worst of my savior complex.
When the knight comes, he tames the dragon instead. Because, who in their right mind wants to kill a dragon? They're dope and most likely quite rare. You know what would be better than a dead dragon? A companion dragon. For me, taming the dragon is making the world a better place. A bit kinder, a bit more connected, a bit softer. While the knight is taming the dragon, the princess has to decide for herself to jump out the window. You can't save anyone who isn't willing to be saved, who isn't ready to try and fight for their own happiness. They have to take the leap of faith, to choose freedom. To close their eyes and jump. I don't think it's healthy to think of people as needing me to save them. It definitely doesn't work out well. Ultimately, I believe each person needs to save themselves. The best part of that though, is saving the world just becomes saving yourself ... if everyone does it.
So the princess jumps. Even though it's a 100 feet drop to the ground, she takes that risk — this is where the dragon comes in. When she opens her eyes, she's on a tamed dragon with the knight. They have the world to explore and have a pretty amazing crib, as the castle seems to be uninhabited (squatter rights and all that) (though in hindsight, it may be a bit too traumatic for the princess).
To not slay the dragon, beyond the personal alternative narrative it offers me, is a reminder to always challenge and criticize the way I've been taught to think. Especially when my world view collapses, to not become cynical and dismissive, but to find a meaningful and hopeful new lens, to pursue a better story.