Dear ________,

Please tell me that the last 536,112,000 seconds have meant something. Let me count the ways I know you. Let me rattle your brain and find myself in the mirror. How many years now? I am ashamed to say that the beginning is so blurry to me. Why can’t I remember all the memories? Everyone else tells me my timeline, but what happened to my head? I read about this rare sort of amnesia….maybe this is that kind of convolution. I look up at the moon, when I try with utmost desire to leave this world. I can’t see the stars and I can’t see my past. How much of my life have I lived not knowing my soul or the world? I have missed myself entirely in the way I trembled away from commitment. The words fall apart and I blank out at the start. I love you, but sometimes I wish I could run away from you and be nothing.

Love, ________.