Flashlight
We start off young and bright-eyed, only to be pulled down from the horrors of the world around us. The lively garden that was supposed to guide us, instead, becomes a dark forest, with thorns and vines and vipers ready to ensnare us.
We become scared. We feel alone in this world, so deep in our own anguish — other people are a million miles away, and every time we call out and no one hears, we get quieter and quieter.
We fall silent. We writhe around in our sleep, consumed by nightmares and fantasies that hurt more than nightmares, because they aren’t real, and we know they will never be real, and we wake up, and we ache. Our pillowcases become vessels of tears.
It has been like this for so long — it feels like forever, it feels like it’ll be forever. I don’t want this to be forever. I rather be in nothing.
Yet, we breathe once more. Some people don’t. I lay roses down for those who have sought peace in nothingness.
Someday, somehow, usually unexpected, usually at the very worst time (or maybe the very best time) we are shown love in a way that actually connects with us. Sure, people have tried before, but not at the right time, or not in the right way. But this — this was the right time, this was the right way.
This love feels alien and familiar, it is comfort and it is truth. There were other times you thought you felt this, but those times, there was always a catch, something insincere, something with the taste of thorns and vines and vipers. This is not, this is the lively garden, willing to plant down and help you grow.
It’s a love that heals, and the days are less dark. We love those that help us love ourselves. Because it is very easy to love someone else, it is very hard to love ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves, the love we have for others is wrought. We need love that is a soothing salve, a hydrating glass of water. It cannot fix everything. I don’t believe in saviors. It’s a companion sitting by your side as you pull yourself out of the water that has sunk you.
What a healing magic love is! It can wash away years of pain, softening the sharpness with each wave. Bright eyes and hope, a purpose, with the support to overcome all of life’s challenges.
A better world is one where we are born into fruitful gardens, not ensnared woods. That is not where we are yet. But one day, our children will venture into the dark forests prepared, not thrown into it without a safety net.
With souls lit with the sweet rhythm, a glow brought by the love we have, we are walking hand in hand, shining like flashlights in the dark, reaching out to those still surrounded by demons and suffering, we are offering a hand to hold, a step out into the light.
